I can't seem to stop loving him. i sit here worrying about how he is going to move all of his things. I still subconsciously think about his well being. What the fuck is wrong with me. He fucken broke my heart and I'm worrying about him. He didn't give a shit about me.

If only we had communicated the problem a year ago we would be fine now. We could have been woken up from the monotony. I would have done anything to make us better if I had known he was putting an expiration date on us. I wanted the relationship to succeed but we had both allowed the environment to turn us into a bored couple. We are not boring people. I would have done anything. I would do anything now. I still would because we didn't have a bad relationship by any measure. We simply stop making the best of the situation. Like his mom said about her marriage, "you can't rad what they're thinking or tell what is wrong with them so you're not what to do to help" I guess I was too accommodating. I gave him space and his room to think when I should have nagged him until he spoke. I should have done that a year ago. I love him and I want us back.

I just want my life back. I want CK back. I can't give myself to anyone else. I am not like that at all. I gave my all to him. Good or bad, perfect or not, we work. We were great together. I want that last year of us back. I would do anything to change it. I accept my faults and I just want us back.

I know that I love him because I think about him all the time. In between my crying over my heart ache I miss him. I am stupid like that. I deserve to be throw out so easily because I loved too much. I was so selfless that it was safe for him to assume that I didn't care about myself. That's why he was able to thrash me. A piece of trash he took out.