He completely checked out without even trying first. He decided to leave me hanging. "I never want to live in Trenton" he told his mom. We never wanted to live in Trenton. We left Trenton but he decided to throw me back into it. How could he? What happen to the man that I loved. We planned to leave Trenton. We planned to move around. That was us and now he says that I was never a part of the plan, that I was just being dragged into it. How could he say that? His mom says that he says what I needed to hear to move on. I don't agree. Why hurt someone even more by telling them that the last nine years were all a lie.

The past nine years were all a lie now. It meant nothing to him. The life that we built together. The person in one another that we build with each other. In a relationship you are responsibility for one another and what you accomplish together were built by one another. Yes he worked but we built our life together, I had been the homemaker. Everything that we had we accomplished together. But now I am thrown out of it all. I am told that none of it was mine. I have been thrown out with nothing but a broken heart.

What happen to my beautiful CK. What happened to the man that loved me. The man that kissed me goodnight? What happen to the man that held me in bed? He just decided that he didn't want that old CK anymore. He wanted a fresh start. Threw me out, Delete and Restart. Life doesn't work like that. How could he have been so cold? I really can't understand what happen. I am left with nothing and he tells me to "deal with it."

I really can't understand what happened. I can't understand how he could just turn his switch off like that. I am tired of crying. I am tired of being hurt. What happened?

No matter what he says or what excuse he came up with. He basically just wanted to be single and live his life vicariously, no attachment, no care. He deserves it but he was in a relationship with another person. There were ways to get what we both wanted while still being together but he just didn't care about the relationship anymore. He just wanted freedom. "Date around and meet people." I never stopped him from making friends or from going to social establishments. We just didn't do that in NY because it was nowhere. That's no excuses not make the best of the situation, I know that now but I would have done anything. I wanted us to be happy. I want him to be happy. I want me to be happy. We could have talked and did what we had to. Simple as that. As long as we talk we would have had that wake up call. He never communicated that to me. "That's how men are" his mom said. You just have to read their minds. How could I? He always said about himself, "what am I a mind reader?" Of course not, neither am I.

What happened to us? I didn't see this coming and I am still hanging. I am left hanging. It hurts so much. It hurts. I can't stand it. I can't stand the thought of him being with other women, multiple women after just confessing a few months back that I am the "only woman he ever want to have sex with," the only woman that made him happy. Perfect or not we would have been close to perfect if he had just communicated it to me. He sabotaged us. Took him an entire year of sabotaging it for him to finally tell me that he was through.

He sabotaged us. How could he? He said that he hadn't told me he loved me in months. I didn't notice, because I am always the first to say it and he'll say "I love you too" that's how it has always been. So how was that a sign?

You can't guilt someone to stay with you" his mom said. I know that. I don't want guilt. I want us back. I want him back, the new him and the old him. He won't see what he doesn't want to see. The same way he found shit because he looked for it. Our entire relationship had been a big piece of shit to him. All of a sudden everything that we overcame were excuses. Anything that he could use against us he did. All to justified why he had to be single. "It's not you" he also said so what's all these excuses for then?

I don't understand. I just can't. What went wrong? Did anything really go wrong or did he just decided that he wanted to be the new arrogant CK. Will Baltimore change who he is because the thought of it had already made him cold. He has become so cold. I don't recognize his voice anymore, no concern, no remorse, no love. Just a cold hearted person. What happened to the man I fell in love with? I don't know who this man is.