Deal with the fact the he lied to you. He lied about getting engaged this year and getting married in the next. He lied about loving you. He lied about you being "best person" for him. He lied about caring for you. He told you what you needed to hear to use you. Just like the other girls. He told them what they needed to hear. Why use me for nine years? He lied to you for nine years. He never loved you. He never cared. You are no longer useful to him now that he is moving. He gets his chance to throw you out and go back to doing what he does best. He gets to be the arrogant him again. You were just in the way.
He never loved you. He was only using you. He has always loved himself more. Didn't you notice? It was all about him and if you were to have a bad day he would ignore you and label you "emotional". You were such a good person that it was easy for him to lie to you for this long. You were so naive. If you couldn't rad his mind then he would think that you were oblivious. He didn't care that you were concerned, he just conveniently assumed you were miserable so that he could find a reason to throw you out. He didn't care that you were always tending to him when he got home because you just wanted him to be comfortable. He didn't care that you loved him. He doesn't even love you.
He never cared about you. You were just such a "good person" that it was easy to use you. He knew that you were faithful so he could mess around and you wouldn't even think to get even. He never loved you. He never cared. Tell me Kera. What do you have to show for those nine year? Any big gifts of love? No!
He may not be able to say that he hates you but he doesn't love you either so same thing. There's no concern for you. He never wants to live in Trenton but he was more than willing to throw you back into it. He obviously doesn't give a shit about you. If he did he would have waited until you had a job. He threw you out with nothing. He came up with all these excuses that didn't make sense just to hurt you more. He doesn't care about you. You might as well be dead to him. Since he has no guilt and no heart it would make no difference to him. he never loved you. Get over it. Deal with it. He was only using you because you were good. He was using you because you were the "best person" for him. Why else would he use someone that was the wrong person for him, that's no fun. Yo made it easy for him because you loved him. It's your fault that you allowed a man to stab you in the back. You should have been selfish like your friends. They came out of relationships with cars and jewelries. You didn't even come out, you were thrown out on your ass. Like the movie. Now you're a mad Asian woman.
I deserve what I got. I had loved him too much. I was the one that let him stab me in the back. I was the one blinded by my love for him. I should have considered a relationship like a warm body like he said. i was the one that made the relationship important when I should have been like him. He knew to put himself first and me last. I was the one that allowed him to use me as an excuse. I had loved him too much to see that he was only a man. I was just too good. It's the good that dies young. It's the nice ones that finish last. It's the nice ones that gets screwed.
He never cared about me. He used me for nine years because I made it easy for him. I made it easy for him to yell and scream at me while he was breaking up with me. I was the one that allowed him to treat me like trash. He never loved me. He never cared about my well being. I was never a part of his plans, I was just dragged into it. Makes sense, why else would it be so easy for him to break my heart. If your dragging a piece of trash under your shoe, it's easy to just pick it off and keep walking. I am trash. I mean nothing to him. I wasn't worth it to him. We weren't worth it to him because I meant nothing. I was just a convenient "warm body" to him. I was just a warm body for him to use. he never loved me. Why was I so naive? Why did I love this this much? Why did I allow myself to love him.
I deserve what has happened to me. I deserve to be treated like trash by the man that I loved. It makes no sense for me to wonder why he did it any more. He did it because he can. Only because he can. He will walk over anyone to get what CK wants. Of course, besides his parents, he will back stab and ruin anyone that he choose to to get what he wants. I made it easy for him to ruin my life because I thought that in a relationship you offer yourselves to one another. I gave myself to him. I gave him my heart. I gave him our life and our happiness. He in return choose to murder me. He choose to throw me out when it became hard. He choose himself as he always does.
I wanted us to fall in love again but that would have been work and putting in efforts. He wasn't willing. He doesn't want to do anything hard, nothing that he couldn't do with a calculator. I was still in love with him the day he broke my heart. In every relationship "it only takes one person" to "check out" and everything starts to fall apart from then, his mom said. He choose to stop caring about us a year ago but he use that entire year to built his reasonings, his excuses were from things he had caused. he sabotaged us just so that he could find an excuse to break my heart. I can't ask when he stopped loving me because he never did. He never loved me. He said "a year ago" he stopped loving me, a year ago he gave up, no effort. We had both allowed the relationship to become monotonous but instead of communicating that he just decided that it was too much work. There were still time then but he just choose to let it go to waste. He sabotaged us.
He doesn't care about anyone but himself now. I never mattered. He never loved me. He was only using me. I had made it easy for him to. I had given all of me to him so no wonder it was easy to break all of me. I loved him. I really loved him. How does it come so easy for him to hurt another person, especially one that was so good to him. I was so good to him. He feels no guilt, no remorse for hurting the "best person for" him, the best thing to ever happen to him. How do you just simply allow yourself to hurt that person just because you wanted to find yourself. If I was the "best person" for him than why no guilt, why no remorse, why no concerns? Am I that unworthy, am I trash? How could he just decide to throw me out like a stray dog. What was he thinking? Hoe do you do that to a person. No guilt?
Even I feel guilt and remorse over another living thing. He feels no remorse over the way he treated me. He feels no guilt for breaking my heart. He isn't concerned about my feeling at all. He sounded happy. He sounded normal. He feels nothing for me. How can a person be this cold? I don't get it. How can he bee this evil to me?
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