May 16 Email to Ck

I wanted to remind him of how much he had change and that it was all a lie. These were emails that we sent one another six years ago when were had broken up:

From: Kera
Subject: ---------------------------------------------------KERA-------------------------------------------------
To: "CK"
Date: Monday, June 20, 2005, 9:35 PM

Im sorry if I've been vulgar with you but I would rather you hate me than to tell me that u're not in love with me, its ok, i accept that but it still hurts so bad. i said b4 how in every relationship, one always loves more than the other and I know that u would admit that I am more heavy-hearted than u r. everytime that im with u, i always hav that thought in the back of my mind that tere's a chance we'll work out perfectly but right now, u don't love me so Im taking the time ro ease into that, accept the fact that the person that i've loved for almost 4 years doesn't want me. I honestly do want us to b friends just like last week but it hurts to much for me to forgive u or myself for what happened between us. Seeing u only make me wabt u more, let me try to accept u as a true friend in my head and my heart first b4 I come back around.

From: CK
Subject: Re: --------------------------------------------CK-------------------
To: Kera
Date: Tuesday, June 28, 2005, 5:20 PM

Hi this is just to let u how I feel about this whole thing, its ok if you don’t want to read it I completely understand. I am not even sure if u are going to get it, but this is just a way for me to except what u have decide to do.

Fist off I would like to say that I am proud of what u are trying to accomplish with your live, I know this is important to you, and I do support you hundred percent.

After living my life without you for the past few day, I cant help but to think about the last four years of my life and how did I end up loosing the best thing that every happen to me. I can’t believe that the saying “you never know a good think until it’s gone” could me so true. I do respect you for staying with me and now for not wanting to be with me.

I could have done so much more to make you happy and us a happier couple, not even difficult things, a few smalls’ things could have made so much difference, and I know that now.

The honest reason for why I didn’t do more is I never thought that I would lose you; I honestly didn’t think it was possible, but I was wrong, and now I know. You said in your email that you loved me more, that’s not true but it sure seem that way. It just seem that way because I didn’t feel the need to show u that I loved you because I believe that you would always be their, but now I know.

These past few day I have felt the pain of loosing you, but this pain doesn’t hurt has much has the pain that I have cause you over the years, and knowing how you I made you hurt is even more painful than loosing you. The hardest part of all this is know that I could have done better, and so much more to make us work, but again I know that now. It feels so easy to express my feeling to you now, I truthfully feel closer to you now that we are apart than I ever felt, is that funny. I feel has if I understand why you work that hard to make me happy, and I now feel some of the pain that I cause you.

This is not a letter to try and make you reconsider ,well that not completely true, but is it a letter to make you know that I know what I did wrong, and to from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for the pain that I have cause you, I could have done better.

I guess the theme of this letter is “ I know now” it took you being a strong confident woman that believe in herself and standing up for herself to make me understand what I had and lost.

I hope after tell you this it will help both of us, i know that this is your first steps in becoming a better person, and it taught me a very valuable lesson. So if our hearts should ever cross again I know is will do better. Please know that this was the right step for you to make.

I know you know this but I want to say it because I still and will always care, take care of yourself don’t forget who you are and at all times respect your self, I know that you are out to find fun and happiness, but sometimes these things come at a price, be respectfully and stay true to yourself.

Love always

CK

From: CK
Subject: CK_____________________________________________________________
To: Kera
Date: Tuesday, July 5, 2005, 11:59 PM

Hi

I just feel like writing today, i like expressing me feelings to you, I makes me feel has if I am carrying less stress, and there is someone else that is on me on this journey thru life.

I really hope that I am not just doing this because I miss being with you, but I will try my best to make this attempt for us to have a better, happier relationship.

I really don't have anything to say to you in this letter but I felt like writing. Well lets see, you keep asking me if I believe that we are meant to me, well, I do believe that ever thing happen for a reason. Not quite sure if that answer the question or not.

You and I have something special, not saying that its good or bad, but special, there are times that I cant breathe without you, and then there are times that I don't want to see you.

I think I would be happier to be miserable with you than one day to be without you. One of the things that I was thinking about last week is that we need more fun and happiness in our relationship. I am now open to trying new things with you whenever we get a chance. Yea I said it. We have a lot of potential, together, and I am not getting ahead of myself by saying this. This trying to communicate with each other for what like the ten is our last hope to be together; I am willing to give it all I got.

CK

P. S

We better have I lot of phone sex to satisfy my sex drive, no better yet it our sex drive. J

And remind me to ask you what's the obsession with the word exotic, and you better be willing to live up to that name that you have given your self