For the first time, first moment, since the breakup I actually forgot that I was hurting. I was laying in bed in the attic and stared at the ceiling and there was nothing in my thoughts. I did that for about 20 minutes and then I sat up and saw the big framed collage of Ck and I faced down in the book shelf. I started crying again. I don't know how to do this. I have tried and I can't stand it. nine years and I lost everything. I feel like I'd rather be dead. It would be so peaceful. No more pain.