I am in a dark place. I don't know if I have gone into a depressive state or if I am just sad. 15 pounds in just three weeks is a lot to lose and I don't know how to diagnose myself. CK's mom says that I should see a therapist/psychiatrist. I sit in the attic all day and I walk around the city all evening. I cry in between everything that I do. I try not to think but it's hard not to see his face after nine years together. I haven't yet learn how not to think of him. Everything reminds me of us. Everything.

I am in a dark place. CK's mom thinks so and it shows in my art works. I am extremely sad. I cry all day, various points in the days but all day. I have only been able to go through two days without crying since. I can't stand it. I don't know how to be. I can't do anything without my heart beating loudly in my chest. It has been breaking and I hear it. My chest has been hurting. Like the tightening pain of hiccups. I hear it loudly when I lay my head down.

I am hurting so bad and he is sleeping peacefully. He has always done this to me and I thought that he had change. The last time he broke my heart like this was five years ago. Who knew he was still the same person he always was. Will he ever grow up? Nine years his name and face are tattooed onto my heart. I can't just forget that we ever happened. I can't stop loving him even though I should.