Having to tell my dad

I have been staying with my friend Ms. Smith since Saturday. I wanted to visit with her and tell her what had happened with Ck and I. She loved him and she was shocked. CK's mom went to Maryland yesterday to help him move in. She said that the apartment building was beautiful, the entrance way was like walking into a hotel loft. That the apartment was beautiful, a young professional's pad. I wanted to cry. It was suppose to be our home. She said that the area was beautiful, a hybrid of NYC and suburbs. Everything was in walking distance. I know that I should be asking her all of this but I wanted to know. It was suppose to be my life with him. He threw me away.

I went to school with her and helped out in her art class Monday and Tuesday. It was a great escape. I thought about CK but I didn't have a chance to get emotional because I stayed busy. I needed that. This morning one of the male teacher Mr. Donaghy, was dropping his class off at Ms. Smith's art room and I greeted him. Ms. Smith later told me that he said to her, "OMG Ms. Smith who is that girl in your room. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." I was flattered but I don't know how to feel about that. I am still healing. It was great that someone thought that I was "gorgeous" but I wanted CK to see it first.

My dad called, we never got along, never said more than hi and bye for the past few years, and I finally spoke to him. He ask what happened because he had heard about the break up from my mom. He ask me to forgive him for being a bad father, that he had made a mistake when I was growing up and he ask that I let him help me. I cried and cried, trying to talk at the same time. I explained to him what happened but I never bad mouth CK. In many ways CK was right, I needed to find myself. It's heartbreaking that I had to do it broken up. My dad ask why that couldn't happen as a couple and I explained that it had been a year and a half where things began to go south. I told him the truth and I assured him that no matter what happened I still need to get my career and built myself. He was sad that it had to happen at an age where I should have been settling down. It is unfortunate but I told him that that's life. He said to come home sometime. I told him that I will. I just needed time, and quiet.