Last night was the first time that i had spoken to CK's mom in a week. "Do you think you guys will get back together?" she ask. "I don't know" I told her. I said that it was up to Chris but either way I still have to get my life together. She agreed that I could stay here until I get a job because it wouldn't be fair to send me back home with nothing. She said that the situation is awkward because she initially thought that CK and I was just on a separation but I told her that this isn't like before. She said that it is weird to have me here but me not be with CK. It's a new feeling for us both. I am still here but CK isn't with me. I think that he really has had a change of heart. I didn't tell her about his relationship status on FB, it said that he was in a relationship and his ex Anneka that he had talked to behind my back a few times in the past two years 'Like' the status change, why else would she do that unless they were talking now.

She started talking about the wedding, she pictured a stretch limo, white dress, Jamaican wedding and little tiger Woods running around. "I was just telling you not long ago that you had to wear a white dress." She said, and I remember that conversation. What happened? CK and I talked about an engagement, a wedding and now this. I told her that I feel he's stringing me along by telling me that, "I'm not saying we're not going to get back together." I don't even know if I want to get back with him. Not after all that he has done to me. Even his mom said that she doesn't even know the person that he has turned into. "He is arrogant" she says. He doesn't have a heart, no family moral. We were a family. I can't take him back after this. He has to go through ever measures to prove to me that he deserves me if he wants us back.

I doubt that he will because he disconnects faster than the speed of light. Always so cold, so dismissive. I am happy for him now. He is successful but that is all there is to him, an empty shell but whatever makes him happy. That's strange for me to say but I care about him and I want him to be happy. If he was miserable with me than I would rather see him happy without me, even if he was with someone else. He always talked about Karma and if he is with one of his exes Anneka then maybe they deserve one another. She cheated on him, he cheated on me and I was the one to pay for everything. Maybe I will get my good Karma soon because I was always the good one. Nice guys finish last but we always do get the last laugh.

Today CK un-friend me. I am shocked but its expected. I don't care at all. I am too hurt, too betrayed to care right now. I thought that I would be hurt but I am not. I am too bitter to be hurt. I really do deserve better but my problem was that I loved him too much. I have to learn how to love myself now, put me first. Something that I never had a chance to do but now is the time. I love myself and I am damn sexy now that I have just me to focus on.